left hand side
its funny...i'd say it's been about two weeks since the breakup. i haven't cried a tear since i left sacramento, actually since i saw my mom and sister at the tracy costco right after the drive from leaving judd in sacramento, then again at the tracy chili's over a gigantic hornitos margarita. But that's all in the same day. Actual break up day. So that is to be expected. that was father's day, i didn't tell my dad or step mom, but i'm sure they were wondering why courtney kept my hand holding a full drink of liquor the whole time. we played horse shoes and traded secret highschool stories about car chases. i felt like i'd met my family for the first time.
it's really tricky to convincingly convey, but i don't wake up with that weird pit of sad, the one that typically manifests right between dreams and awake. i didn't even cry a week later when my window was bashed to take my phone. in less words, i've been unexpectedly serene. this might only work without real contact with him? we almost met up to exchange some stuff left over.. a sad pit formed the morning of that day, so I canceled. and serenity returned.
i saw some preview for an older person love story between richard gere and diane lane and she tells her daughter..there is a kid of love that makes anything feel possible.....the funny thing, is that i feel this right now. now that my recent love is gone.
anything is certainly possible