My love for home made haircuts, coupled with a typical post-breakup-desire-for change and this entry, from greatly influenced my decision to remove my long bangs situation.

#104 Girls with Bangs

If you see a white woman and you are trying to figure out whether she is liked or just merely tolerated by white people, the best thing you can do is get a quick look at her haircut. It is a known fact that white people love women who wear their hair with bangs that hang straight down.

A number of very popular white women have worn this hairstyle including Joni Mitchell, Jane Birkin, Jenny Lewis and every girl ever photographed by Vice Magazine or the Cobrasnake. (Note: it is a good idea to familiarize yourself with these two things as they are both beloved by cool white people. Follow up note: these same things are hated by cooler white people).

Many people associate this type of haircut with children and people looking for the most efficient way to get hair out of their eyes. But for white people, this simple haircut makes a bold declaration by saying that the wearer is artistic, deep, and has probably dated a guy in a band you like. Of course, as with many things loved by white people, simple often means expensive and these haircuts usually cost upwards of $100.

It is essential for you to know this haircut is more than a mere fashion statement– it is an important cultural marking. Throughout the world, many cultures feature ceremonies to announce that a girl has become a woman. For white people, the haircut-with-bangs is an important symbol that a female has completed her transformation from a nerdy girl to a cool woman. In fact, if you went to high school with a nerdy white girl who moved to a big city, there is a good chance she will show up to your high school reunion with this haircut.

When you are introduced to a group of white people, it’s a good idea to befriend the girl with the bangs. She’s probably the most popular.


Jill said...

Of course you're cutting your damn hair again!! The shorties always look gorgeous on you, really, your wig always looks tops! I'm thinking of ditching my sex kittenish no bangs for some long coy ones, have an appt for wednesday, it'll probably cost $100 like the article says.

gutsforgarters said...

i hate that in that blog post he uses a picture that is, pretty much, my optimal hair orgasm. my best post break up hair massacre was bleaching the whole thing and dying it pink.

leslaz said...

Jenny Lewis (pic he used) always has freaking good hair, except maybe in Troop Beverly Hills, but there she wore a cool hat.

I just dyed my hair "dark brown burgundy" but it should really be called "dark burgundy brown." This situation may have to be rectified.

I have no bangs.